Friday, May 13, 2011

Jesus Rehab

I'm admitting myself! 3 weeks from today I will be hopping on a plane set for Fairbanks, Alaska where I will be serving the most amazing person on the earth, Jesus, by ministering to the children of the "Frontier State". Now, the one thing I have vowed to be on this blog is honest, because I feel like I'm probably not the only person having certain feelings. I'm as nervous as they come. For 19 years I have lived comfortably in the same house in the same great city. I have never had to question if I would get a car when I turned 16 or ever doubt I wouldn't have a room full of gifts on Christmas morning. My church is the typical Southern Baptist church that the "Bible Belt" is know for. Here's where that honesty comes in. I am a very known person at my church and I've always enjoyed my throat almost being in pain every Sunday by the time I got to the Chapel due to the fact that everyone would stop me to speak. Now I am known by good reason. I've been on multiple mission trips, every youth event for 6 years, worked every kids camp for 4 years, and I pretty much get my income from my church due to my highly successful babysitting jobs. I have had a VERY comfortable life.

When I named this blog, I really didn't know what I meant by it, but it wouldn't get out of my mind. So there it was, The Coin Under the Cushion. Not until recently did I realized what God was trying to teach me even by something as simple as this. In my "cushion" of a life I've needed at "coin" to poke at my side to get my attention. Now let's get to what that "coin" was.

Last summer I went on my 2nd summer trip to World Changers. Hands down best trip ever! They're main missions statement was "One semester. One summer. One lifetime." Meaning doing missions. Instantly my yearly trips popped in my head and gave myself a relief. As in I thought, "Oh sure, that's great, but I'm great with my one week very comfortable mission trips. I'm good!" For months after WC's it would get out of my head. So I looked into North American Mission Board (NAMB) for more info. Thinking that God would get out of my head if I maybe just sent in an application. Boyyy was I wrong! After 3 days and 8 hours of this LONG application I hit the send button and knew I was home free....NOT!  Ha ha, wow. Over the next few months, God really brought to my attention that I was just living and doing what was comfortable for me. Did I ever ask God to stretch me? Did I ever ask God to give me the strength to surrender to His will? NO. I drew near to God and He drew near to me. On January 18th I received my conformation letter from NAMB with the great news that I had be accepted and would be serving in Alaska. I was ecstatic! That was 4 months ago....

Now, with my trip 21 days away, I'm nervous. I'm being attacked from all sides and in all situations. Not having time to help others in the recent tornado disaster because of my hectic life is driving me insane. I was hospitalized last week because of a spinal meningitis scare, and I feel shaken. My life's desire is to lay my life down for My King. Never in my life have I desired so much to leave my comfortable life and city that I'm known well by, and serve. Not to "reinvent" myself but to "rediscover" myself. I have allowed a lot of this world to brain wash me into their way of thinking and I have to stop this process. It's almost like I'm admitting myself to Jesus rehab. So that's it. I'm scared. I'm worried. And at the same time I lift my hands in praise to My Heavenly Father who has given me this amazing opportunity to go to a state that I'm unaware of and to serve alongside of people who don't have a clue as to who I am or where I came from. I need strength. I need prayer. But I'm excited to discover this "Lindsey" that has not necessarily been hiding for all of these years, but who has just never been in the right environment to be released. So be prepared to follow this blog through my journey of finding me. Get ready, because I'm not and I can't wait!

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