The "M" Word & What I Have In Common With Ricky Bobby

All throughout high school I made the choice not to date. A few here and there but I usually didn't say yes to a second date. I don't know what it was, I just wasn't ready. I can not sit here and tell you why I wasn't ready, I just wasn't ready to date. Now, a few days away from my 19th birthday, I AM!

The other day I was discussing this with my 23 year old sister that is soon to be married in September. (I'm so excited!!) Jenny was always getting asked out in high school and all through college as well. But the only difference was she said "Yes". Not the usual "No" that I'm used to throwing out there. She went and had FUN. Something I'm feeling like I don't know how to do. Crazy right? If you knew me, I know you'd say that I'm one of the craziest, most outgoing people on the face of the earth. With friends, of course I am. But it's like when it comes to guys, call me crazy, but that's what blogs are for right? When it comes to them, I draw a blank. "How can I not lead them on, stay true to my Christian values, and honor Christ?" Those things go through my mind. I don't like this one bit.

Let's face it. I'M NOT GOOD AT THIS DATING THING. I feel like Ricky Bobby on Talladega Nights when he's being interview after racing for the first time. He;s talking all low and awkwardly and then says, "I'm not really sure what to do with my hands." My life story. I know there isn't a how to book on dating, but I'm about to write one called, "What the Crap?" I frustrate myself. Looking at my family you have my beautiful, full of life, always on top of entertaining Mother. My chilled, grill king, military man of a Dad that somehow attracted my HOT Mom. Then my older siblings who have their wives, husbands, children, and lives on the road. Jenny my oldest blood sister. Cook master, funny, endearing, and so cute with the best closet EVER! Bryant is one of a kind. Air Force MAN, can joke about anything, always hard on me because I'm the baby, but I know he loves me. He's always the life of the party.

Then there's ME. Different from all of them. I'm so satisfied with babysitting on my Friday and Saturday nights. I live in Chaco's, Nike shorts, and over sized T-shirts. When I dress up, I don't feel like myself. I just want to be comfortable and myself. And my new thing is no makeup. Sundays and family dinners are a must but other than that I'm as clear skinned as a baby. I'm still finding myself and who I am. But within that I'm trying to also be more fun. More care free and quit thinking about THE "M" WORD! It's killing me. I need someone to shake me and yell, "You don't need to change yourself, God's got it under control. Breathe. It'll all work out in the end." Now I'm gonna go shake myself. Wow, talk about being honest. Well there you go world. Take it or leave it. I'm Lindsey and I'm trying to find ME, and it's becoming very interesting....