Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Beautifully Surrendered

Last night was a hard night for me. Misunderstanding between loved ones and tears shed due to it is never a fun place to be. But there I was, after an interesting day. Prior to the agrument, I found myself in a coffeeshop with a person I barely knew, but really respected. He made a comment that made me very uncomfortable. I simply said, "God doesn't just love you, but He likes you." I shrugged. He noticed it. he said it again, and silent tears streamed down my face. Vulnerablility is not something I do very well. If you know me from church, or school, I'm the happy-go-luck, bubbly, fun, outgoing, blonde, that always wears a smile. In my 18 years of life I've done a pretty swell job at making sure no one could climb the wall I had built. So the fact that I had to sit back, take a breath, and control my emotions was very odd to me. I felt like saying, "I'm never like this! Not this emotional wreck!". But I didn't. I sat and I cried. He continued to speak on that he knew something had to have happened in my past by the way I reacted to what he said. "Somebody had to of said something hurtful to you that scared your spirit and you feel as if that person was right, and you are unworthy."

I could have screamed at the top of my lungs, because for once, someone told me what I was feeling. I had covered it up for so long, that I forgot what I had felt and why I was struggling now. When I got back into my car I could just think whoa. I felt so emotionally naked. I had nothing else to hide. I finally realized what surrendering everything to Christ was. Dear friends and somewhat of a stranger have been digging this stuff out of me and through those tears and spiritual nakedness, I have discovered such a beautiful Lindsey within the body of this dead person I've been. I have finally caught a glimpse of freedom. Freedom in Jesus Chirst.

So today, I thought it'd be cool to express my new freedom by not wearing make up. You should toally try it! I have never gotten so many compliments in one day on my skin, face, and eyes! Talk about encouraging. I don't know how to explain it, but by me not wearing make up, I was able to show who I am. It was so relaxing not having to worry about it.

I hate that it has taken me 18 years to know that I am beautiful. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. God, the Master of all creation didn't make a mistake. Love yourself. Will I still have my days where I feel absolutly horrible? Of course! We're human! And I'm a girl! We will all have those days. But know that you are fearfully and wonderfully made, and know that full well. Put notes on your mirror that you are beautiful. Feed your spirit some of that, and not this crap in the media. Jesus says, "You're beautiful to me". Believe it.

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